The Study Of The Relationship Satire

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The Study of the Relationship By: Shaun R. Kelley Introduction A relationship? Something meaningful? Forever? HA! All ploys and devious schemes devised by horrifically cruel creatures, in order to have their every wish granted for all of eternity. These terms were created to destroy our lives, they were created by the most evil and demented of all creatures, The Female. Ask any boyfriend, or should I say ‘slave’, and they will tell you that the Female is a very mean creature that gets her every way without any questions.

They turn us into their servants and force us into a permanent relationship, or a permanent ‘slavery’, as I prefer to call it. Step One: Scouting Their Prey The First thing you need to remember about these… things, is that they always, without exception, travel in packs. So remember that when approaching one of them. Back to the point at hand. When in the proper habitat that these Females inhabit, stay cautious, as they seem to sometimes pounce upon their prey, and ask you to preform something that you are currently incapable of (example: asking you to dance).

These maneuvers are used to make you semi-, and thus would do anything to regain your higher status, no matter how long it takes you. Thus they have control before any plans are even made. Step Two: Pulling Out The Whip After the initial request made by the male generally, the begin to start a ‘relationship’, or so it is called. By this time you are already stuck with her, and all of your friends can see it, and in many instances, they try to stop it. She knows that she completely controls you, and she takes full advantage of it. Asking you too get something for her at any time in the night, picking her friend up for her from somewhere exactly opposite of where you are, and the list goes on.

But this is the moment where a small part of you may wish to be single again, but it’s not a loud enough voice to hear yet. Step Three: Stuck Between A Rock And A Bigger Rock You got this far in? Your stuck now, how does it feel? By this time you cannot get out of it until she breaks it off with you, which is highly unlikely at this step. You are completely and utterly whipped, and under her control. Her will shall be done, and believe me, it is. This is the point where that voice got louder, its almost yelling… but heres where she gets more devious again.

Lets say for example, that she is depressive, and extremely self-conscious (as are most women), and you just can’t deal with it anymore. But she says that she Loves you… there’s a tough. You say it back, because 1. You May Truly Love Her 2. You Know Your Supposed To Say It or 3.

Your Af riad of What Will Happen If You Don’t. So you say it back and things progress, then you mention life without her, very inconspicuously, and she says those orrible words that most women say in a relationship… .’ I’d die without you’… and in many cases the girl is crazy enough to do it. So now your stuck, be happy and kill her, or be unhappy and let her have her way…

the choice is yours. Step Four: Finding Your Scapegoat If you reached this point then you gave in to her horrible powers. I’m truly sorry my friend. This is the step where we find a way out, something that can be somewhat of a cleaner break up.

Your best bet is finding out who she may have a crush on, and somehow make them spend more alone time together. This has been the most productive backdoor out of a relationship I’ve ever witnessed. After spending time with him and / or her, your Female owner will begin to have stronger feelings for the person, and thus she may think shes falling in Love with them as well. This is your way out friend! Tell her that she is happier with them, and you only want her to be happy in life.

She will then break up with you and go after him… if done correctly, then theoretically your out! Enjoy Life! Step Five: May The Force Be With You Now that you are a free man, you may do as you wish again… to an extent. Now she has fallen out of ‘Love’ with them and is coming after you again. You need to be strong, you need to resist! I know that it is tough, I know she is so beautiful, believe me I know. But you must remember what happened, and you must resist her evil advances.

This is the hardest of all steps, and she will make you feel as though you are the worst person in the entire world, but stay with me here. It will be worth in the end. If you continue to hold-out and block her se ducting looks, then you shall eventually prevail over this evil. Then with her just as a diminishing friend, you are free. The Female has lost the battle, and is scouting for her next slave already… and now you can do everything that you werent aloud to do when she controlled you.

You are out of the bondage and everyone is better because of it. Conclusion I understand that this was indeed a rough outlook on relationships, but in many cases, this is how things happen. This is what many people get stuck in, and this is why so many people end up divorce ing or worse. But stopping bad relationships in the is vital to your, or her survival.

But always beware the pack of girl in the bar, or the gorgeous girl in the lunchroom, because the entire time they look at you, they think of how to enslave you and how to destroy your miserable little life. Beware the Female! and if you do choose to engage yourself into a relationship with one, always be cautious and aware of your feelings.

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